I am losing my focus after all those incidences occurred in the firm. Don't know about the future in the coming 3 months, or 6 months or possibly the coming year. I can only try every of my effort to prepare a plan B or plan C. Really have no idea what kind of Plan you have for me. First, it was You bringing me to this place. And all of a sudden, a big blow to my head. Maybe i am not a good servant. sorry to you....
"Be Here Now" by Ray Lamontagne
Don't let your mind get weary and confused Your will be still, don't try Don't let your heart get heavy child Inside you there's a strength that lies
Don't let your soul get lonely child It's only time, it will go by Don't look for love in faces, places It's in you, that's where you'll find kindness
Be here now, here now Be here now, here now
Don't lose your faith in me And I will try not to lose faith in you Don't put your trust in walls 'Cause walls will only crush you when they fall
Be here now, here now Be here now, here now
Saturday, 04 April 2009
Eerily quiet and pay condolence to the deads amidst trouble times ~ gloomy week of March
When i was young under the influence of television program, i always thought when people died old. Their form will stay forever the same as the body at the time the person die - wrinkled, weak and pale body. So i always thought, what about dieing young? then my form will be young forever when i am in heaven or perhaps hell..
Youth is diamond. It is treasurable like diamond but not forever. It always put me in dilemma about the fact that growing up and be a adult is an inevitable process that everyone has to go through. There are just a lot of responsibilities being an adult from work, from the society, from family...Talking about working, though working is one of the creation from God, is it too much for this modern days? and is it a suffering that we human created for ourselves? Wasting our treasurable youth in something that wouldn't last forever...
After all, I learned that no matter i die young or old. My soul is formless like God as described in the Bible. I think I better think about ways to my soul young...
Recently, I was listening to this music: Die Young from Alphaville and have the above thought...
Any places without him is a good place. Perhaps i am not good at multitasking, whenever deadlineS are near, I am stressful and feeling strange. Though i came back from the US for goods for more a year, I am so sure that the 5 years in the US are the best and the happiest part of my life.
Because of him, i become protective. Because of him, I become introvert. Because of him, I become ill-tempered. Because of him, my world is dark.
Missing you guys, my friends in the US....my footprints in the US....
All these mocks, all these hurts, all these hate, all these humiliations, all these scoldings, all these yellings, all these bruises, all these whips, all these smacks have been deeply stabbing my heart and my soul since I was in highschool.
If i can choose, I would rather die in my mother's womb, so i wouldn't even know that there are good friends and utopia on earth.
Lord, you once said you know me even when i am in my mother's womb and everything i am born to have a plan behind. But before i understand your will and plan, I can tell you I ruin it.
Your words are really real... Words came from one's mouth is like sword and spears. I can just sit there silence and bleed....
